


It Started with a Kiss

by elstar1



Category: SECHSKIES (Band)
Genre: Feelings, First Kiss, Forced, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-25 07:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17117264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elstar1/pseuds/elstar1
Summary: Sechskies gets an offer to shoot a movie in 1998, the glorious Seventeen.Jaeduck has kissing scenes, but he had never kiss before.Suwon had kissed a lot of girls.





	1. Tutorial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never did Jaeduck think his first kiss would be onscreen, and he's desperate for help.  
> Even if it's from his dongsaeng.

Jaeduck stands in front of a tall mirror, a little too close than one needs to be.  
He puckers up his lips, closes his eyes and leans forward. Upon contact with the cold hard surface, he peeks at his reflection, immediately jerked back feeling grossed.  
Jaeduck sighs.  
He has been practising kissing for a while now. He can't stop worrying over it, ever since they received the script for the movie. He was shocked (and excited) to see that he has kissing parts and one intense make out sessions. He hypes up about the scenes in front of the members, trying to hide the fact that he is nervous. He only puts up the facade since he had been boasting about his dating experiences.  
When truthfully, Kim Jaeduck has never kissed or been kissed.

The shooting is in two days, and he's not sure where can he get lessons for that. The adult movies he watched made kissing looks so easy, but how could he judge if he kisses well by himself? Adding to the fact that his co-star is really cute and he wants to appear cool and _skilful_ to her.  
He contemplated asking Jiwon for help, but knows that he would never let that die down. He shudders thinking what Jiwon would do with that information.  
He doesn't want to consult Sunghoon, Suwon or Jiyong over such personal matter, especially with them being younger than him.  
His hometown buddy, Jaijin, even though they have been friends for so long, he never really tell him anything about his dating life. He even wonders if Jaijin has interest in love at all. When they were watching porn, Jaijin was barely excited, as if he was studying biology instead of watching people fucking!

He was leaning in for another kiss when the door suddenly swung open.  
"I know you love yourself but I didn't know how much." That dry tone of Suwon hits him straight in the gut.  
Embarrassed, he wipes his lips, then yells at Suwon, "You should knock before entering, ya know!"  
The unfazed Suwon throws his backpack on the floor then lays on the bed comfortably.

"What were you doing? Worried about the kissing scene?" Suwon pried.  
"W..well, a good actor will rehearse his scenes. Not that you'd know, you barely have any lines." Jaeduck taunted him.  
"I don't really care about acting. Not like I want to be an actor. I just want to be a Sechskies member." Suwon said nonchalantly.  
Jaeduck tsks and turns towards the writing table next to the mirror.

Several minutes passed in silence, with Jaeduck sitting on the chair, flipping through the script and Suwon laying on the bed with his eyes shut, trying to take a nap.  
Suwon has been hanging out in Jaeduck's place ever since their debut. He used to crash there when they have a short break during schedules, but now, he comes whenever he feels like it. Jaeduck doesn't really mind. In fact, he loves the company.  
_Maybe, Suwon could help me? I could make him promise to keep it a secret, and hey, I'm the hyung, he must obey me!_  
He pondered in his mind.  
_But, he doesn't really treat me as his hyung. Heck he doesn't even call me hyung except in public broadcasts. He could be worse than Jiwon-hyung!_  
"You're thinking too hard! I can't sleep," Suwon cuts off his train of thoughts.  
"Sorry, Suwon-ah, I...hrmm nevermind." Jaeduck muttered.

That _nevermind_ piqued Suwon's interest. He gathers himself up and sits properly on the bed. "What? Tell me." He demanded.  
The attentive look on Suwon really tempts Jaeduck to spill. But he's still mulling over the pros and cons of telling him. Suwon, bored of waiting, threatens, "Speak now, or forever hold your peace."  
The ultimatum gets Jaeduck scrambling to run and sit next to Suwon.  
"Can you promise me that what I'm about to tell you remains between us?" Jaeduck earnestly asked.  
Suwon pauses before answering, "Depends.."  
"Damn Suwon, don't play me like this, just promise me ok?" Jaeduck slaps Suwon's side, irritated at his flippancy.  
"To keep this secret, I'll ask for five favours that you wouldn't say no to, when the time comes." The seriousness in his voice made Jaeduck worried.  
"Five are too much! Just one should be good."  
"Four."  
"No, one!"  
"Three and that's my final offer~" Suwon insisted. Jaeduck sighs in defeat.

"Now that that's settled, tell me," Suwon urged.  
Jaeduck takes a deep breathe, "You know how I told y'all about my girlfriends and how popular I am back in Busan?"  
Suwon nods. "But I... might have exaggerated a little."  
"A little?" Suwon's raises his eyebrow skeptically.  
"Ok, a lot. The truth is, I've never kissed a girl before." Jaeduck lowers his gaze. "Figures," That short answer surprised him.  
"You probably never even dated before, right?" Again, with that annoying tone.  
"I had a girlfriend! Just that, we never got passed holding hands..." his voice trails off.  
"Save it," Suwon smirks. "So, why does that bother you now?"  
Jaeduck fidgets for a while, "I... need help with my kissing scenes."

He hears Suwon snorted and smacks the back of his head. "Yah, I'm serious right now!"  
"Ow! That was unnecessary violence." Suwon rubs his head. "However, you've asked the right person for help. My girlfriends could attest to that," Suwon said smugly.  
"Man, I'm glad I got those favors from you, we had a bet about this, now that I won but couldn't claim it from them," he continued.  
"What bet?" Jaeduck is puzzled. "Your dating experience."  
"Fuck you guys!" A pillow is thrown at Suwon's face.  
Suwon keeps laughing hysterically seeing Jaeduck being mad, which infuriates him further.

After spending a full three minutes tussling, they both finally calmed down to talk business.  
“First, show me how would you kiss, if the opportunity ever presents itself,” Suwon said, throwing back the pillow to Jaeduck, “Pretend the pillow as the girl, not that it would be unfamiliar,” as always, he manages to sneak in some insults.  
Jaeduck glares at him, but still follows his order. He holds up the pillow to his face, awkwardly, then purses his lips and kisses the pillow.  
“Are you kissing your mom?” Suwon chided him.  
“Yah, my mom is the last thing on my mind right now!” Jaeduck retorts back.  
“What I mean is, a kiss with your lover should be tender, not that quick peck on the lips. You need to build the momentum, slow and steady first,” Suwon passionately explained, far different than his usual laid back self.  
The baffled look on Jaeduck's face made him huffs out loud.

“Gimme your hand,” he instructed. Though clueless, Jaeduck complies, extending his right hand. His gaze is fixed on Suwon, who brings his hand closer to his mouth. Suwon looks at Jaeduck briefly before gently presses his lips on his hand. Jaeduck flinches at the sensation.  
“Can you feel how much pressure I applied?” Suwon asked. Jaeduck utters a quiet hmm, but he could feel his face burning up.  
“Now, do it on me,” Suwon commanded.  
Jaeduck is flabbergasted, but pulls himself together as he clumsily leans forward, but Suwon leans back.  
“I mean kiss my hand.”  
“Ah, yeah hahaha,” Embarrassed, Jaeduck takes Suwon's hand without looking at him. He takes a deep breath, before applying what Suwon had shown him, just the right amount of force.  
Suwon beams up proudly, “That’s it. You have now know how to begin a kiss!”  
“Begin? What more now?” Jaeduck did not have an idea that kissing has so many steps. He just thought it'd be just smacking up mouths together then some tongue actions and getting right into action.  
“I'll get to that later, but first, I should show you how to hold the girl. There are few ways,” he inches closer to Jaeduck, one hand on his back, the other hand, swiping the hair off Jaeduck's face.  
“Look into her eyes, so you're both are sure and she allows you to kiss her. The kiss should be wanted by both parties. Then, as you hold her like this, slowly pull her closer to you,” Suwon almost sounds like a white noise to Jaeduck as his heartbeats are rising at a pace too loud for him to ignore.  
“Won't, won't our noses collide then?” He blurted out a random question, just to ease off the growing uncomfortable feeling in his heart.  
Suwon lets go of him and clarifies “That's why you have to slightly tilt your head, to get it out of the way.”

Suwon then continues, “The kiss should be between the lips, not teeth or gums. Try not to crash into each other. It should be tender but passionate, how should I explain, it's like, the kiss should be surrendered, but not without a bit of a struggle.”  
“What the heck do you mean by that??” Jaeduck is more confused by the whole surrendering but struggling thing.  
Suwon rolls his eyes at Jaeduck's naivety.  
He hesitates for a while, before finally suggests, “Should I...show you for real?”  
A light shade of red creeps up Suwon’s cheeks.  
Jaeduck almost chokes. “Y..y...you mean like, a real kiss? On my lips?”  
Suwon slowly nods, fiddling with the bedsheet beneath them, before looking up again, scanning Jaeduck's face for approval.  
“But...this would be my first kiss,” Jaeduck murmured, just loud enough for Suwon to hear. He wants Suwon to kiss him, to be clear, just so that he could grasp the correct way, he learns easier through practical approach after all. But this would be his first kiss after all, and for it to be with Suwon?  
“It’s up to you really, I don't think I could explain it with words,” Suwon averts his gaze, staring at the walls and floor, but there's a slight tremble in his voice.  
Jaeduck musters up his courage and declared, “I’ll just think of it as the tutorial, like in games. Doesn't have to mean anything,” he's just trying to convince himself at this point.  
“Yeah, this means nothing,” Suwon quips in agreement.

They both clear their throats and fix their position, trying to disregard any sense of awkwardness of the situation.  
Suwon makes eye contact with Jaeduck and politely asks, “May I?” As he hold out his hands, cautious about touching him, when he did not have that issue before.  
Jaeduck nods, and could feel goosebumps forming on his neck when Suwon lays his hand on the small of his back across his shoulder, with the other hand on the back of his head.  
“You’re so tense, just chill and breathe,” Suwon whispered.  
Jaeduck did not even notice that he was holding his breath. He tries to relax, but nothing could stop his heart from beating so rapidly, and his face and ears from growing hot.  
Suwon tilts his head a bit, then draws closer, so close that Jaeduck could feel his hot breathe on his face. Jaeduck automatically shuts his eyes, sensing how Suwon lightly kiss the corner of his mouth before accurately plants his lips on Jaeduck's.  
He swallows down the lump in his throat, forcing himself to focus on how the kiss feels, on how Suwon unhurriedly moves his lips, making sure that he touches every corner of his lips. He then parts his lips, and gently tugs at Jaeduck's bottom lip, before he breaks away, leaving Jaeduck wanting more.  
“Remember to breathe in between the kisses, and this go-stop pauses would make things even better,” Suwon reminded him while panting.  
A short break before he dips in for another kiss, stacking his lips in between Jaeduck's, lightly nibbling and tugging.

Suwon idly sweeps his thumb on Jaeduck's crescent scar, as he simultaneously licks his lips, gaining a gasp from Jaeduck.  
They are both startled and pull away from each other.  
“I... I'm sorry, I got carried away,” Suwon apologised.  
_No, it's okay, I don't mind, I was just surprised, please don't stop._  
Jaeduck's mind is still hazy that the words didn't come out of his mouth.  
A sense of shame sweeps over Suwon, as he stands up in a rush, staring at Jaeduck regretfully. He hurriedly picks up his bag, and leave, wishing Jaeduck good luck for his shoot.  
Jaeduck dazedly just watch him leave, unmoving in his seat. His fingers absentmindedly trace his swollen lips, and he is unsure of how to feel or react.

_The day of the shoot_  
“Action!”  
Jaeduck confidently pulls the girl into his arms, putting his hand under his chin. Their eyes are locked on each other, before he goes in for a kiss.

“What the heck the guy could actually kiss!” Jiwon exclaimed.  
“Hahaha I told you so! Now, pay up!” Sunghoon chirped happily.  
“Yaah I thought he’s just all talk, damn it Suwon-ah, we lost,” Jiwon whines as he takes out several dollar bills and gives it to the bright eyed Sunghoon, Jiyong and Jaijin.  
Suwon just shrugs them off, ignoring their teasing and mocking, as he keeps stealing glances at Jaeduck and the girl.

“Good job, guys!” The director praised Jaeduck and the actress after finally getting the cut he wanted.  
The girl looks at Jaeduck shyly, well they did just kiss after all. Jaeduck smiles and apologises if he overstepped, making her uncomfortable during the scene, but she immediately said there's no need for apologies and he did well. She was about to say something else but her manager called for her to get ready for another schedule. Jaeduck waves her goodbye before he walks back to his members. They are all getting in their van to move to another location for their next schedule, a musical.

During the commute, Jaeduck boasts to his members like he usually do, but all the while couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness, that the kiss did not feel the same, did not match up to his expectation, did not feel as special as... _as with Suwon_.  
He freezes upon that thought.  
Jaeduck tries to dismiss it, chalking up to the kiss scene being done in a professional setting, and with Suwon he was just nervous and new.  
_The kiss was just a practice, that's it. Didn't mean anything. I mean... Suwon didn't say anything after that day, he probably already forgot about it. Just another kiss for him._

Little did he know that Suwon is staring at him. Jaeduck looks so deep in thought that Suwon wonders if he's immersed in the kiss scene, if it was that mind-blowing that he couldn’t stop thinking about it, and his heart aches a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Describing kissing is so hard!  
> So it may sounds awkward or unrealistic or incorrect. Sorry OTL  
> This fic is supposed to be short. *side-eyeing the word count*


	2. A drunken fit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seventeen is out yo~~  
> Jaeduck reflects back on the past months and what happened since.  
> And what would the guys think about the beached duck scene? (I refuse to recap that scene).

**17 July 1998 (Friday)**  
It's the premiere of Seventeen. Sechskies hold a fansign event and lucky fans are selected to attend the screening. That day, the cinema are packed with reporters and fans.  
This would also be the first time for Sechskies themselves to watch the whole film. They were only focused on their scenes before, even Jiwon said that he didn't even know what the story was about.  
As the lighting dimmed and the opening montage is projected, Jaeduck inadvertently recalls back of what had taken place since the shooting.

After about two weeks into the shoot and his first kiss scene, Hyeryeon, his co-star shyly approached him, asking if he'd be interested in a date. He was flabergasted but gladly accepted. It had been long since he went out with any girl at that time. Their date went well, and they began something like a relationship. It wasn't hard for them to meet up, since they spent a lot of time together, they were a couple in the movie. Hence, their management didn't think much of them hanging around together.

Things went well, but Jaeduck couldn't help feeling something was amiss. She's a nice girl, really, but somehow, they didn't click.

Apparently, she felt the same way too, cause by the end of the filming, they both amicably agreed to part.  
“I hope you'd find someone better, sorry this didn't work out,” said Jaeduck, regrettably.  
“No, oppa, don't say that, you're a good person. We're just not meant to be together. I wish you happiness too.” She reassured him.  
They both exchanged a warm hug and promised of no hard feelings.

But one thing has been nagging at Jaeduck for a long time now.  
Suwon.  
He never spoke of the kiss after that. Or even really speak to him about anything. He has not been visiting Jaeduck's place and he even avoided him during Sechskies activities too. Jaeduck couldn't help but feeling empty. Suwon's absence is glaring. But no matter how much Jaeduck tried to reach out, he still kept his distance, and Jaeduck got the hint.

“Noooooo!!!” “I’ll cut the bitch!” “Oh my god!!”  
The loud shrills bring Jaeduck back to the present. Jiyong pokes at his side and the members are sneering and chiding him. He's confused but everything makes sense when he looks up the screen.

_Ah, the beach scene_ , his face grows hotter.  
The memory of that day is flooding his memory. That was the time when they both were still dating and they were really fond of each other. Hyeryeon was really enthusiastic about showing her affection. The camera just happened to be rolling at time.  
Great, now that's a piece of history that can't be erased, he thought to himself, but still put on a proud face. If he shows any sign of embarrassment, the boys would tease him about the make out scene even more.  
Over at one corner, Suwon looks at the screen in disgust.

**Sunday night**  
It's been a long time for them to get any rest. Luckily that day, the management has given them the day off. In fact, they have the whole weekend off. No music programs, no variety shows, no radio interviews, nothing.  
Jaijin went back to their hometown, he had been missing his parents terribly. Jaeduck wanted to go back too, but his own family is visiting a distant relative somewhere too far. So, he had spent the weekend with some friends in Seoul, cleaning up his place and most importantly, catching up on sleep.

He's laying on his bed, reading a comic book, just chilling.  
A loud knocking on his door breaks the silence.

Jaeduck wonders who's coming at this hour, as he slowly gets up from his bed, but the knocking is insistent, hurrying him up.  
_The neighbours are going to complaint of this if it continues_ , he thought.

“Yah, stop knocking already!” He griped.  
He freezes upon seeing a familiar face at his doorway.

“Suwon-ah...”  
Suwon is standing there, his face a bit flushed and he reeks of alcohol.  
“Are you drunk?” His question goes unanswered, as Suwon barges in, sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed frame and placing the big plastic bag he brought in front of him. Suwon gestures for Jaeduck to sit next to him.

“Are you crazy, drinking tonight? We have a schedule tomorrow!” He nagged at him, but he still sits down next to him.  
“And you're not of the legal age yet!”  
“You don't get to tell me that, you guys started drinking way earlier than me,” Suwon quipped.

He takes out a can of beer from the plastic bag and hands it to Jaeduck. He then grabs another for himself.  
“Not tonight, Suwon. And I think you have enough.” Jaeduck tries to snatch away the can in Suwon's hand, but Suwon clutches his wrist instead. He brings Jaeduck's hand closer to his chest, and Jaeduck couldn't help but starting to get anxious.  
Suwon looks into his eyes and says,  
“Remember those favours? This is my first request, drink with me tonight.”  
Jaeduck gulps, the promise (and the kisses) of that night flash through his mind. He's got no choice but to honour it. He slowly pulls back his hand, and Suwon, a bit reluctantly, let go.

Jaeduck's efforts to initiate a conversation go to waste as Suwon just gave a short answer to everything. So they then just kept drinking in silence. It's his fourth can now and frankly, he's starting to get tipsy. He used to be able to drink more but after he got sick before, he cannot tolerate that much. Suwon is still going strong though his ears are red and his cheeks are flushed.

Jaeduck was chugging down some plain water when Suwon finally speaks up.  
“Did you love her?”  
Jaeduck put down the bottle. “Huh, what do you mean?”

“Hyeryeon-ssi. You guys were dating right?” Suwon looks straight to him.  
“How did you know?” Jaeduck is taken aback since he thought he hid it well from the others.  
“Jiwon hyung told me. More like he accidentally slipped. You guys had lots of shoot together, of course he could tell.” Suwon snickered.  
“He even knew that you guys broke up by the end of the shoot.”  
“He’s really the leader, huh, able to tell these things at a glance. We shouldn't try to lie to him.” Jaeduck giggled.  
“Answer my question then. Did you love her?” Suwon persisted.

Jaeduck wanted to protest, saying he doesn't have to answer that, that it's his personal matter. But seeing the serious, almost desperate look on Suwon, deferred him from that.  
“I liked her. I enjoyed the time we had together. But love? I don't like to throw around that word carelessly.” He confessed.  
“Surely you enjoyed the time together, that you guys didn't even mind other people watching,” Suwon grumbled.  
“Sorry, what?” Jaeduck could feel the alcohol getting to him now. He rests his head on the bed behind him.  
“I said, you guys were kissing sooo passionately even in front of camera. So, she must be a great kisser huh?” Suwon turns his head to face Jaeduck, there's a hint of anger, or he daresays, jealousy on his face.  
“We were just acting. The director wanted it to be that way,” Jaeduck denied, his voice pitched higher.  
“Didn’t look like you guys were acting,” Suwon mumbles.

“So to what extent of skinship did you guys had?” He probed further.  
“What extent? We barely even dated for three months. And most of the time we were on location, and wait, why am I telling you this?” Jaeduck rambles on, his face red either from chagrin or the alcohol, or maybe both.  
“Because I taught you how to kiss,” Suwon blurted out.

There's a cold air of awkwardness blanketing over the room at the moment.

“I missed this,” Jaeduck uttered.  
Suwon looks at him, confused.  
“I missed talking to you, we haven't been alone together for a long time,” Jaeduck heaved, “we had been busy, with the movie, the musical, the album, and you've been distant, after...that day.” Jaeduck stares at Suwon who's looking down, his hands fumbling with the can.

“Missed me? Don't kid yourself, you just need someone to keep you company after she left you, right?” Suwon retorted.  
“What? No, she didn't leave me, we both decided to break up. And it's different with you.” Jaeduck tries to explain, grabbing Suwon's shoulder to turn him to face him.

The next thing happens too quickly that he's barely able to register.

Suwon suddenly closes in, planting a kiss on his lips. Surprised, he lightly pushes back Suwon and asks “Wait, what...what are you doing?”  
“I want to kiss you.” Suwon answered.  
His eyes are unfocused and glazed, his face is red.  
“No, you're drunk, you sh...hmph” Jaeduck's words are muffled by another kiss.

This time, Suwon pounces on him, resulting in him falling on his back. He kisses him hard, as if he's been hungry for this. Jaeduck tries to push him away, but Suwon pins both his hands on the floor. He could barely struggle since he himself is drunk, and Suwon somehow is more aggressive than the usual.

Only when Suwon is running out of breath does he pulls back.  
“I’m better than her, right?” He said.  
“Get off me, you're drunk and it's not a competition,” Jaeduck yelled in between panting.  
His pleas fall on deaf ears as Suwon instead starts peppering him with kisses on his forehead, his cheeks, wherever he could reach. Jaeduck turns his head to dodge the kisses, but then Suwon begins to nibble at his ear, that gets him startled and lets out an involuntary gasps. That somehow works him up even more, now Suwon trails down further, sucking at the nape of his neck.  
Jaeduck shudders at the unfamiliar sensation and moans, and Suwon takes the advantage, propping his head back to face him, as he swiftly presses a deep kiss, forcing his tongue in.

The intrusion jolts Jaeduck. Out of nowhere, he gains the strength to shove Suwon off of him.

He quickly sits up and shouts, “You said the kiss should be wanted by both parties! I don't want it, not like this!”  
Suwon is stunned by his words.  
He looks at Jaeduck, his eyes are red, tears are streaming down his face, his clothes are in disarray.

_Fuck, what have I done?_ Suwon snaps back to his sense and realizes his stupid action.  
“I’m... I'm sorry,” he tries to hold Jaeduck's shivering hands but he quickly jerks back.  
Suwon sees the fear in Jaeduck's eyes. _He's scared, of me_.

Suwon bows down, begging for forgiveness, “Hyung, I'm sorry, I know I messed up bad, I’m an idiot, forgive me please,” he pleaded.  
But Jaeduck, hugging his knees close to his chest, won’t look at him or say anything.  
“Jaeduck-hyung, pIease say something, you could yell at me, curse at me, you could even hit me, please, I'm sorry,” Suwon begged and sobbed. He can't bear to be hated by Jaeduck, even though he knows he deserved it.

“...”  
“Huh...?” Suwon couldn't hear what Jaeduck mumbled.  
“Get out of here,” said Jaeduck, his voice is low.  
“Hyung, I'm sorry...”  
“Leave me alone!”  
Suwon is crushed and devastated.  
He silently stands up, wiping the tears on his face and slowly retreats to the door.  
“I’m sorry...”

That was all he could say and then off he goes, walking away, wishing he could turn back time and stopped himself.  
That night Suwon makes a vow, that he would never let Jaeduck cry again, and he would protect him from anything and anyone, especially from himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God damnit, this is supposed to be a cute fluff fic, why is it turning to angst?  
> I don't know how to wrap this up nicely.  
> Maybe I'll continue, most probably I won't. OTL


End file.
